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Acoustic Resonance Massage Chair? LET'S ROCK!!!

Just when we thought the stainless steel wallet was cool, Hammacher-Schlemmer brings us the Acoustic Resonance Massage Chair- $7000.

Based on an old Scandinavian cradle design incorporating strings and a sound board underneath, this German made chair employs 60 strings in the back, which when strummed, provide a soothing harmonically audible massage experience.

Only problem is-- who's gonna stand back there and strum the damn thing?!

Since $7000 doesn't seem to solve this slight inconvenience, I feel obliged to help finish this project as a ridiculous public service.

You could place speakers behind the chair, blasting harmonizational stuff. Is harmonizational a word? I've been reading how to break in new acoustic guitars faster by leaning 'em against a speaker. This would also set off the chair strings without the need of a strummer. OR you could install pickups in the chair back and plug into an amp, placed behind the chair, then control the feedback with a volume pedal. You could even plug your guitar into channel 2 with chair in Ch #1 and use your guitar to set off the chair. Then you'd be jamming with your chair and getting a massage at the same time. Rockin' Chair! THEN you could add a looper so that when you get the right groove on, you can put the guitar down and relax with a beer.

I've just invented the official "Baby Boomers' Massage-O-Jam-Matic Rockin' Chair"! Non guitar players can simply interface an MP3 player and dial in their own "Jam Numbers". And of course this Strat-O-Lounger will also recline into a Jam Number Bed.

Jimmy Page & Pete Townshend will be pitching these in late nite info-mercials. George Forman will introduce the nifty bun warmer model. And if you prefer an antique look... Relic versions will of course be available. OR plaster it with flames and pin-up girl decals for that special Rock-a-Billy-Bye-Baby effect.

Nothing's gonna touch you in these golden years... like the Rockin' Chair that is! Just 10 easy payments of $1000, or let us help you get Medicare to cover the entire cost as you sit back and kick out the jams in comfortable numbness!

And remember that you read it first at Stratoblogster!

Thanks Pribek!

Stratoblogster Labs

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